It's official: We're outnumbered

My playgroup has officially tipped the scales towards the pregnant members. There are nine moms/nine kids, and now five of the nine moms are pregnant with their second baby.

But that's not all. Of the four non-pregnant members: one mom is getting ready to sign a contract with a organization that connects infertile couples with surrogate mothers, one mom recently miscarried and is hoping to get pregnant again soon, another non-pregnant mom just accepted a new job--and she was grinning ear to ear about it today. That leaves me. I recently decided to put off having another baby for a while; you really can't go out dancing when you've got a balloon belly knocking you off balance.

So there are two issues here: first, I'll be the only mom left in this group who isn't pregnant or actively trying to expand my family; and second, my thoughts about Portfolio Manager Mom heading back to work are mixed. (For full disclosure purposes, I'm in two playgroups with Toddler in Chief. In the other playgroup, two moms have had second babies and the rest are decidely not pregnant).

But first things first, I found out about two of the pregnancies today and the other two, just 14 days ago. That is a lot to digest during a short amount of time. Why is everyone ready to do it again? Our kids are just turning two, and I suppose it's the standard 2 1/2- to 3-year spread in age. So what am I really upset about? Me, of course! I'm not ready, but I already feel the pressure, even though no one has said, "When are you going to have another?"

I really like going out again. My kid just weaned in January, so my body is my own. I can drink and abuse it as much as I like without affecting another person. My kid sleeps 12 hours at night, so I also sleep all night. I like my clothes. I was one of those moms who didn't want to spend hundreds of dollars on clothes that I would only wear for a couple of months. That is, until I felt hideously frumpy and hormones were seeping from the walls. I broke down and bought one pair of cute jeans, a sexy Michael Starrs low cut, snug sparkly blue shirt, one oatmeal-colored turtle neck sweater, and two white fitted T-shirts. Someone did give me a frilly blue flowered shirt as well, but my belly always hung out the bottom.

But perhaps what is eating at me more than feeling silently pressured to get pregnant again, maybe all my stress is over Portfolio Manager Mom's onramp back into the workforce. While she was all smiles, we really didn't talk about how this means she's departing from our weekly gatherings. My feelings about her success are mixed. Part of me is a tiny bit jealous that she had the courage to do it. Another part of me says, you go girl. Another part of me feels like she is a traitor, leaving us at-home moms to struggle with ourselves.

But as I looked around, no one really seemed like they were struggling. Perhaps because every other woman there is gearing up for morning sickness, frumpy clothing, and more sleepless nights, they've come to terms with their current parenting status. Their new-found pregnancies or infant via surrogate has shifted their to focus to what it will be like to have two babies demanding their attentions instead of just one toddler. With a sly smile, Stanford Staffer Mom said, "I'm glad I'm not going back to work."

For me, I'm not so sure.